How To Love Yourself For Who You Are: 10 Important Steps To Self-Love And Confidence

May I ask you a pretty uncomfortable question, do you love yourself?

I can sense you going into a defensive mode, or a sense of frustration because you don’t know what to answer.

“Of course I love myself, why’d you ask?” 

I gotta say, it’s not that simple to say that you love yourself, it’s a whole lot more than just mere words.

Let me ask you another question, are you whole? What do I mean by that?

Do you need to be dependent upon other people to feel loved? Do you say to yourself, “if I only would look a bit better, I’d love myself more?”

Do you really need family members or friends to like you, praise you, or compliment you to build up your high self-esteem and become more confident?

Do you need to be intelligent, attractive, successful, or popular to have confidence and a sense of self-worth?

Then there are some of you thinking, “why should I love myself, that’s complete arrogance, we should only love other people.”

Lack of self-love is one of the biggest problems we face in today’s society and has led many people into depression.

The majority of people in society are running around empty, feeling empty as there’s no purpose for them in this world.

The poor believe that they deserve this miserable life, or this is the life they were destined to live.

Many successful people are often times embarrassed about their achievements as if they don’t deserve them, especially after being criticized.

Most average people want success, they want fulfillment and happiness, but don’t believe they are able to get it. 

They accept their current life, even though it’s taking them nowhere.

Religious people often despise success, believing it to be evil and self-love to be arrogant and that we should only love other people.

We are so reliable of other people’s opinions and society’s expectations of how we should look, behave, and who we should become.

Why Is Loving Yourself Important?

Unfortunately, society does not promote much about loving ourselves. 

Whenever we scroll on social media, we are exposed to comparisons and perfectionism.

Social media, reality shows, and the overall internet have provoked many into envy and frustration. 

Because they feel less important than the “perfect” people they see on Instagram or other social media platforms.

We compare ourselves to other people, not allowing our unique personalities and our own being to shine.

Society expects us to be a certain way, look a certain way, and behave according to their rules.

Loving oneself is the most important thing we can acquire out of life, for it has a huge impact on every aspect of our life.

And that includes:

• It increases your happiness
• You will gain more positive energy in your life
• It is extremely important to develop self-love if you are going to strive after your dreams
• It will increase your emotional resilience 
• It will change your perspective in the way you see yourself and others
• It is critical in any relationship
• It reduces your stress
• It helps you cope with anxiety and depression
• People will always try to drag you from your dream, purpose, and maximizing your potential – but with self-love you become unstoppable
• Loving ourselves we have more creative energy

What Is Self-Love?

Ancient Greece was very precise when it came to love. They would not use the simple term we use today “love,” for everything. 

We use the term love for everything including when expressing it to our spouse, “I love you.” 

Or when expressing it to our family, friends, colleague, crush, dog, or cat.

They recognized about six or eight varieties of love, including: 

• Eros –  Sexual passion
• Philia – Friendship love 
• Ludus – playful, or uncommitted love 
• Agape – A selfless love, a love for everyone, or an unconditional love  ( sometimes referred to as Christian love)
• Pragma – committed, companionate love

Then the last one they considered the most important type of love apart from Agape, what they recognized as “Philautia.”

According to dictionary.com Philautia is “self-love, or how a person views themselves and how they feel about their own body and mind.”

Self-love means having an appreciation for oneself and having self-awareness of who we are.

It means you know your value as a human being and you are not trying to be someone else, you are able to love yourself for who you are.

Philautia is not always positive, however, as dictionary.com mentions. There is an unhealthy side to her that we should of course avoid. 

Because it can also mean “egomaniacal narcissists who think they are better than everybody else.”

We have a problem with philautia, maybe because we confuse her with the unhealthy, dark side of her – the ego side of her.

Therefore we become afraid of developing her because we think we will turn into a selfish, arrogant, “I don’t care about none but me,” kind of person.

We often miss that a philautia is the greatest love you could ever develop in life. No, it is not the love for your family or your spouse that is most important. 

Philautia has to come before agape because agape is the result of philautia. What do I mean by that? 

As Jesus Christ explained in one of His teachings, recorded in Mark 12:31: Love your neighbor as yourself. 

This means that if you’re going to love other people, you have to first learn to love yourself.

Because the image you have of yourself will reflect how you’ll look at others.

How are we going to have this selfless, unconditional love for other people if we cannot even look at ourselves? 

It’s impossible! No matter how we think otherwise.

Self-Love Defined

Let’s go a little deeper into defining self-love. What is the result of developing self-love, and how does it drastically change our perspectives of the world and ourselves?

To Love Oneself Is The Result Of Self-Discovery

You will approach life very differently by finding your life’s assignment and discovering your great potential and gift.

When we don’t know who we are we, perhaps think to ourselves that nobody or only certain people have a purpose and can live a fulfilled life.

When our purpose is brought to light, suddenly we gain another perspective in realizing that everybody has a purpose and is treasured with great potential.

This leads us to realize our importance to the world of what we have to offer to the planet, and we start to love ourselves.

Our perspective of ourselves compared to before drastically changes, and as a result, we have more love and compassion for other people around us.

When We Love Ourselves, We Know Where We Came From

Self-love is developed by identifying your self-source. When you know where you came from, and who is your Creator – you can’t but help to fall in love with yourself.

Especially when you understand His characteristics, and understand His purpose for creating you.

True Self-Love Is When You Know Your Identity

Self-love is not in external things, and you can’t find it in others either. Love for oneself is already attached to us. 

We are valuable already, for within us we are treasured with a unique and amazing gift to share with the world.

We are filled with untapped potential and we have a solution to offer to our generation and generation to come.

When we know our true self, when we know our value – love is the result!

By Self-Love, You Have Higher Self-Esteem And Self-Worth

By developing self-love you know your self-worth, you know how much you value in this world. 

Loving ourselves is the result of self-esteem and much confidence in our body and mind. 

Self-esteem means having self-respect, or you have confidence in your own abilities and how much you value in the world.

It is the beliefs we have of ourselves and our overall opinions about our abilities.

Loving Ourselves Means We Have self-perceptions

People who don’t love themselves have so much low self-esteem, how they see themselves is always negative. 

They are overloading their minds with negative talk towards themselves and others. 

This will also affect how you treat yourself and behave in life, as well as the decisions you make.

People who love themselves are always striving to become the best version of themselves. 

They treat themselves with respect and take care of their own needs and the needs of others, bringing positive change and influence on their lives, and other people around them.

How Do You Know You Love Yourself?:5 Most Powerful Ways To Identify The Love For Yourself

1. You Don’t Lack Self-Confidence

Are you confident in who you are? Can you wear the clothes you like, without caring about people’s criticism and what they think?

 Can you be yourself in front of other people, do you allow your own unique personality to shine?

Or are you having a hard time being yourself in public, because you fear what others think of you?

How you present yourself to others will determine your confidence in yourself. 

If you lack confidence, you haven’t developed enough love for yourself.

2. You Believe In Your Importance And You Have Good Things To Offer In Your Generation

Many people who don’t love themselves, don’t believe they are important, they don’t believe they have anything to offer.

 How do you value yourself, do you believe you can be of service?

3. You Don’t Need Any Motivation From The External Environment, You Motivate Yourself

Many people give up on their dreams because they don’t get enough support from others and motivation. 

That’s not an excuse for people who have a sense of self-love— they motivate themselves no matter the circumstance. 

How motivated are you in pursuing your dream or whatever you want to pursue?

4. You Serve Yourself -And Your Gift To The World

Self-love is not a selfish love in that you only care for yourself. In fact, you should love yourself so much that you feel the need to serve your unique gift for the benefit of others. 

People who love themselves are always striving to serve the solution they believe they have for a problem and serve their love and compassion to others.

5. You Forgive Yourself

People who don’t love themselves are hooked on past mistakes, and past experiences. 

They re-live their past in their mind every day, they don’t move much forward in life because of fear to make mistakes again. 

People who love themselves understand that if you learn to forgive yourself, it will be much easier to forgive others when they hurt you. The greatest sign of self-love is self-forgiveness.

10 Important Steps To Self-love

Since we’ve covered what it means to love ourselves and how important that is for our well-being, how can we develop self-love? Here I will give you 10 important steps to help you develop self-love in your life.

1. Eliminate All Negative Thoughts

If we are to love ourselves we need to take care of the negative thoughts we have of ourselves. 

We need to get rid of the negative self-talk, those inner critics who drag us down and hinder us from tapping into our potential and limit ourselves of ability to believe, love, and respect ourselves.

For it will harm our emotional health and overall mental health.

How can we eliminate negative thoughts from our lives? Here are a few key points to consider:

• Write them down. Every time you have a negative thought write it down, for it helps you get to the root of things that are holding you back. It can also help you gain control of your negative emotions and thoughts.
• Be your own best friend. Talk to yourself like you would talk to a close friend or someone you trust. Consider the issue you’re having in your mind, and consider a solution to the problem.
• Learn about mindfulness practices. Learn about mediation that will empty your mind or direct your thoughts to a better place.

2. Stay Away From Toxic People

Stay away from people who have a negative influence on you, and that includes your family. 

Whoever you hang around with will determine who you will become, and your destiny. 

If you are to live a life of purpose, fulfillment, peace, and self-love, you have to surround yourself with people who are going a similar route or at least can respect your decisions and not talk you out of them.

This is very critical and often not taken seriously. For we are often afraid of the thought of not having friends, and we try anything to fit into friends group which oftentimes leads to a toxic influence on us.

It is much better to have no friends rather than to be in a toxic relationship who makes us feel bad about ourselves and who never supports us in our dreams.

“Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” – Proverbs 13:20 (NIV)

3. Understand the Law Of Attraction

Learn about the power of your mind and how you can attract anything you desire using the law of attraction.

In short, the law of attraction is called to be a universal principle that indicates that whatever you focus on, you will attract into your life.

Or what we truly care about in obtaining or becoming in life, where we put our attention – will be the driving force of our thoughts and actions.

The law of attraction is not like many think, to look yourself in the mirror and speak out loud about what you want to attract– and it will magically come into your life.  

For instance: I am wealthy, I am healthy, I am confident, I am creative, I am an entrepreneur, and so forth.

Although you could use positive affirmations to your advantage. 

However, to activate the law, for it to work – there are three elements that you need to use: a thought ( a seed), self-affirmation( or positive self-talk) powered with faith (fertilizer and watering), and action ( harvest time.)

Metaphorically speaking, thought is a seed that you sow into the ground. Self-affirmation is what you feed the thought that boosts its growth. 

The action is the thought manifested, it is when you apply the thought to your life.

If you only use self-affirmation, then what are you trying to grow, what are you targeting? 

That is why these three elements have to come work together.

Although if not used correctly it can have a negative impact on your life. 

If you use a seed of negativity, the harvest will have a negative consequence on your life – because you used the wrong seed.

4. Understand Your Self-worth

It is crucial that you understand your self-worth to develop self-love.

Self-worth is simply the level of importance we place on ourselves. It is the way we see ourselves, and how we respect ourselves. 

Our thoughts towards ourselves and sometimes others, our positive or negative emotions as well as our behaviors are a reflection of our self-worth.

5. Face Your Enemy With Courage And Strenght

Beware of your enemy that is lurking in the dark, trying its best to keep you from reaching your potential and stepping into your self-love journey.

Who is the enemy? The voice in your head that tells you you’re not worthy of love, you will never amount to anything in life, you’re a loser, you will never succeed, anybody is better than you… your own self-doubts! For we have become our own worst critics.

We have to face the enemy with courage and strength every time he shows up. We have to recognize the lies he speaks and fill our minds with the truth about who we are.

We have to constantly remind ourselves who we are and where we came from and remind ourselves of our value and worth.

6. Express Gratitude

We often forget how fortunate we are. There is always something we can find to complain about. Even in good times, when everything is going well in our lives.

We should learn to appreciate life more, and appreciate who we are. 

It is enough to be thankful that we breathe today, that we woke up this morning safe and sound.

Be thankful that we have food, clothing, and water, for not everybody is this fortunate in this world.

If we are to love ourselves we have to learn to be thankful for who we are and what we have. 

Be thankful for how God created us, for as it states in the bible: “I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” – Psalm 139:14 (NIV)

Embrace and appreciate yourself the way you were created.

7. Take Care Of Your Physical Health

Often the cause of our low self-esteem and our insecurity is the lack of exercise and an unbalanced diet. 

We need to stop consuming so much junk food and start cooking healthy foods at home instead.

Add more leafy greens into our diet and include more physical activity into our lifestyle.

Exercising increases our self-confidence, and our self-esteem as well as increases our energy level.

8. Get Out Of Your Comfort Zone Now!

Self-love is all about growth. It’s about self-appreciation; as a result, you have the urgency to improve yourself — becoming the best version of yourself.

If you don’t love yourself enough, you don’t have much urgency to grow. 

You don’t care about your health, or about your time, or your future – you just accept what is without making any changes.

Your comfort zone is your biggest enemy, it prevents you from improving, it prevents you from pursuing your dreams or discovering them.

Therefore get out of your comfort zone, change your bad habits, and work on yourself. Start pursuing the goals you have set for yourself, but never have started.

9. Self Discovery And Pursuit Of Your Dreams Keeps The Doctor Away

Not knowing who you are has a significant effect on your mental health. In some cases, the lack of purpose can contribute to depression and anxiety.

Not knowing where to go in life, or who we are, makes us doubt our worth and our importance in the world.

According to Psychology Today, people who have a sense of purpose and direction in life “ are less likely to have heart attacks, strokes, and dementia.”

Studies have shown that individuals with a higher sense of purpose are more engaged in physical activities, are more likely to have healthier sleep quality, and be nonsmokers.

Furthermore, studies have also shown that people who live a purposeful life are more likely to experience a decreased risk of functional disability, and better cardiovascular health.

10. Invest In Yourself

The greatest investment you can invest in is yourself. Investment in ourselves is also a sign of self-love and self-appreciation.

Just think about it, loving your family drives you to invest in them. Always willing to be of service, invest in gifts, support, encouragement, and love.

Do also something for yourself, maybe read a good book to help you improve, learn new skills, take a relaxing day for yourself– perhaps have bubble baths once in a while because you deserve it!

Conclusion

It is important to understand that developing self-love, is not only a benefit for you, but crucial to have in order to love others and build healthy relationships.

We need to stop depending on others to love us and start to love ourselves. We seek to go into relationships and friendships so we don’t become lonely.

May I give you, what perhaps you would find strange advice? Become single. No, I’m not talking about breaking up with your spouse or never going into a loving relationship.

Singleness can also mean oneness or wholeness or being in harmony with yourself.

Instead of only building relationships with other people, start to build a relationship with yourself.

Instead of being dependent on others to go out to dinner, go to dinner with yourself from time to time. 

If you want to get a coffee at a coffee shop, or if you want to go shopping, don’t drag people with you so you won’t feel lonely– take yourself. 

In other words, have some alone time with yourself as well.

Treat yourself as royalty, but don’t forget to have compassion for others and treat them the way you would like them to treat you.

Are you ready to step into your self-love journey? Because I definitely am!